Open the Eyes of My Heart

jog

julachen — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 23:45:16 +0000

so I was running, and I just think running makes everything feel better. It tunes the world out, and I had a really old playlist on and I found the song Sick and Tired by White Tie affair.
and the lyrics go: “I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired”. Lately, there’s just been so many things surfacing and I’m sick and tired of how things used to be. There’s some people who are STUCK in high school and some of them notice it and want to keep it that way and some of them don’t, but they annoy me and I just want nothing to do with them.
one more month, and I’m outies.

one. month.

julachen — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 03:23:44 +0000

it’s starting to hit some people that we’ve got one month left. one more month to make it count, to make memories we’re going to hold on to for a lifetime, to let it all out before we hit the books hard.
one more summer to figure out where I want to head, and who I see myself as when I grow up.
I’m the worst at saying goodbyes.
It took me 4 years to build the relationships I have with the amazing people in my life, and to take all that away come september devastates me beyond anything. I’ve seen too many people change and leave me behind. It takes me a long time to figure people out, and I hate that I’m going to have to start all over again.

home

julachen — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 03:14:28 +0000

I’m scared for what to call home.
they say home is where the heart is. so where is mine?
I’m scared that i’ll be moving around the next 5 years, never staying more than 8 months in an apartment or residence. I’m not looking forward to living with different people and finding co-op jobs and re-settling, over and over.

I hate starting over and losing everything i’ve built. I hate being on the run with nowhere to go back to. I feel like i’m picking up my life starting with a few boxes and taking my heart out of this house and locking it up because I can’t grow too attached to anything.

growing up is hard to do…

oh, if you only knew how terrified I am

julachen — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 03:08:31 +0000

I tell everyone that I’m so so so so so so so so so excited for Waterloo, but among that excitement is so much fear.
What am I finishing university to do?
there’s no saying where 5 years is going to take us. no one is going to know who we’re going to or not going to meet, and what can change.
5 whole years of figuring out what and who I want to be, all to myself. does that seem like a long time to some people? because to me, it’s going to be 5 of the best years of my life.
I’m terrified to move forward, even if I never say so.

compare

julachen — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 00:19:22 +0000

I keep on comparing this summer to last summer
I had the perfect summer last summer, I can’t even explain
how I could be so young, so less mature, yet accomplish so much more than what I’m doing now
I feel so dependent on other people right now
I can’t get myself away from skype or my phone, I miss people way too much.
and some of it has to do with my graduating year. Now that I think back, I have so much closer friends than I did last year. I have Tyler, I have so much love in my life that I had to pause to come here. and now… i’ve realized I can’t do it.
no one understands how lonesome this room is to me.
I was getting paid last summer so there was at least a motive for putting in an effort. I was learning french that I WANTED to learn, with really cool francophone girls. I hate the acadian accent, I can’t stand it anymore. I want to punch anyone in the face who has the acadian accent! I am losing my mind by eating caf food, and we can’t go out a lot for real food!
and as for the french… well everything has me so distracted that I can’t even focus on my class…

he’s always there

julachen — Sat, 08 May 2010 23:41:01 +0000

I found this on a girl’s blog, and I honestly couldn’t have said it better myself.

The thought of my future always gives me a great deal of curiousity . There’s always that sense of wondering, nervousness, and worrying . What will I turn out to be in the future ? Will I be the complete opposite ? But no one really knows , except God . He knows our future, he knows how we feel, how we think, he knows everything about us . He has our plan laid out for our whole life . So we should just go on with the flow, and see where it will lead us . The choices we make now really does affect us . The littlest things can have a great impact and shape our future . I have noticed how much I changed over the years from what choices I made . There’s bad and good changes, but there’s nothing I can really do about it . Sometimes they’re just for the better . People are just gonna have to deal with all these obstacles , and do their best to overcome it . When people are dealing with them, they’re usually feeling so down , and feel like no one truly understands. I mean people understand, but not fully . But when you think back to it, you realize so many things you could have done, and you realize how that certain problem affected you today . It actually taught you a lesson , and maybe next time it happens again, you can handle it better . Just maybe . Sometimes it takes a few more mistakes to learn . And sometimes you have to take the chance to know . You have to take risk of getting hurt inorder to learn, and sometimes its worth it at the end . There’s times when you’re gonna think back and say ” I shouldn’t have done that . I regret it . ” But one day you will find yourself saying how it affected how you are today . Maybe even affect your outlook of the world . Look at it in the way opposite perspective . Think about things in a certain way you would have never thought a few years back . So take risks, take chances, cas you’ll never know . The bad could do the good for you . It can make you stronger, and you will realize what’s for the best . You will learn to go on with your life , and think of the happiness in your life . Be optimistic . But there will be times when you will feel like the world is crashing down on you . Like you’re alone . But you will need to pick yourself up, and stay strong . You will need to learn to move on with your life, and never give up . There’s really no choice but to keep going . Because you’ll never know , someday you can reach the top . Although there will be many bumps and ditches along the way, you will find it on your own to go over them, and to find a way through them , and you will reach the top . It may take time, but if you have the determination, and the will power . You can make it . You can do it . You can reach the highest, happiest peak of your life . And you will think back to all these obstacles and smile . Because you did it . You didn’t let them bring you down . You didn’t give up . You didn’t stop trying . You kept going on , moving forward. You didn’t let it get in the way of life .

you are so beautiful

julachen — Fri, 07 May 2010 05:59:56 +0000

and you don’t see this
it kills me

i’m counting

julachen — Sat, 01 May 2010 23:51:32 +0000

day 28
and im still smiling

lost

julachen — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:19:53 +0000

I can’t find my USB and my debit card for the life of me
and I don’t really understand why it is
but it is FOREVER these two items that get lost
i’ve had probably 5 or 6 debit cards already in the 4 years i’ve been allowed a debit card
i throw them in the trash, sit on them, break them, you don’t even understand
SO THIS NEW ONE – it was going pretttty well..
until today
when i realized. tis gone.
USB? oh yeah, that never went off on a good start
i’ve had this one since the beginning of the school year. i really liked it because it was the same colour as my macbook.
i shall go buy a new one now.
i don’t know what to do about chronically losing things… it’s a metaphor to a lot of other things in my life, i find.

knowing

julachen — Sun, 25 Apr 2010 17:17:08 +0000

there’s those things in life that you dont really know whats going on
and then there are those other things. you KNOW what it’s there for, and what it’s supposed to do
but are you letting it do what it’s meant to do?
I know there’s a lot of things I’m pushing away
and I’m living life eyes closed, seeing where i’m supposed to be but at the same time, refusing the truth
I don’t really know what the end to this is
I guess God knows, right?